Jokes only here

[Doctordulitl]

*deleted*

[terrisummers]

well he opened the thread... any jokes??????

there was a blonde and a burnette and a red head stuck on an island. One day the red head found a magic lamp. She rubbed it and a genie came out. He said, " for letting me out, you each get one wish." So the burnette says, " i wish i was with my boyfriend." So she disappers in to her boyfriend’s house. The red head says " i wish i was with my family.’ then she disappers in to her familys house. Then the blonde says, " Aw, im lonely, I wish my friends were here."

very old, but head it again the other day;)

[rtf]

well he opened the thread... any jokes?????? It was another spambot. :(

Why do they only seem to be appearing on the Terri Summers forum of this board? I guess they followed you here.

But let's keep this open and fill it with some real jokes!

Taken from the old jokes thread on Terri's old forum...


((((RING))))

*Pick Up*

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank"

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank"

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

*Brief Pause*

"Uh, okay then, ...this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it, he hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

*Long Pause*

*Longer Pause*

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??...........

Is this 555-7039??"

[A.J. Angel]

A spambot? :confused: Shucks, that sucks! :(

I don't know what kind of joke I should post here but I'll just give it a try with some I find on a website I check often. :)

[A.J. Angel]

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. "Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."

"Like what?" Martin said.

"All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said.

"Well, what's yours like?" Martin said.

"Straight, like normal," Gary said.

"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.

Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants. "What did you do that for?" Martin said.

"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal."

"&%$#@ !," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

[rtf]

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

[rtf]

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.

The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was still on it.

"What was the problem?", the doctor asked.

The elderly man replied, "Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing!!!"

"Wait a minute!", the doctor asked. "You mean your wife's friend helped too?!"

"Yeah!", the man sighed. "We tried just about everything, but we still couldn't get the damned lid off of the specimen cup!"

[A.J. Angel]

LOOOOOL!!!!! Lucky old man!!! :D

[A.J. Angel]

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello"? She cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder.... But still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a voice from far away: "Hello, we're down here...."

[rtf]

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello"? She cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder.... But still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a voice from far away: "Hello, we're down here...." Whatever are you implying here?! :p

[A.J. Angel]

Whatever are you implying here?! :p

Who? Me? Implying something? :D No, it's just a wrong impression you have. :p

[rtf]

Who? Me? Implying something? :D No, it's just a wrong impression you have. :p If you are leaving impressions, I think you are standing to close...

Never mind what kind of impressions you are leaving behind! -_-'

[A.J. Angel]

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during the day while running some errands. When he entered the house, he was surprised to see his wife in bed with a man who placed his head on her breasts. The husband demanded, "What on earth are you doing?"

To which the stranger nonchalantly replied, "Quiet! I am listening to music!!"

The husband shoved the stranger aside and said, "Let me listen!" and placed his head on his wife's breasts.

He exclaimed in suspicion, "I don't seem to hear any music."

"Of course not," quipped the stranger, "You're not plugged in!"

[A.J. Angel]

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

[terrisummers]

from a movie, coming from a guy:

You know the best part of the BlowJob?
........ 10 minutes of silence...


Men!!!! :D

[A.J. Angel]

from a movie, coming from a guy:

You know the best part of the BlowJob?
........ 10 minutes of silence...


Men!!!! :D

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u303/axljayangel/icon_rofl.gif

[rtf]

from a movie, coming from a guy:

You know the best part of the BlowJob?
........ 10 minutes of silence...

Men!!!! :DRepli-Kate!!! I love that movie! :)

[terrisummers]

i like the new banner rtf!!! you forgot anita though... even though she doesnt post yet.. but since you put the rest of us...:)

[rtf]

i like the new banner rtf!!! you forgot anita though... even though she doesnt post yet.. but since you put the rest of us...:) I'm not done with it yet. For now I'm just placing the models with their own forums here, who also post here... Seems only fair for the moment, right? ;)

Edit: If I have time, I might add Anita this Sunday to my banner. ;)

[rtf]

i like the new banner rtf!!! you forgot anita though... even though she doesnt post yet.. but since you put the rest of us...:) Darn your hold over my heart, Terri! :p

Now I just HAD TO include Anita Dark into my sig! ;)

If it were up to me, I'd be tinkering, editing and cleaning pictures like that all day. Unfortunately, I have to work for a living... :(